trust.

Oh, what a week! I have been itching to blog for days now, but between a computer break-down, three tests and everything else in between, it just hasn't been happening. Now that I have five seconds to sit down and breathe, I am going to share what has been lingering in my thoughts this week.

Let me preface this post by saying I am sharing a lot of material that was given to during my bible study last Thursday. Let me just say also, that I am so extremely blessed by this bible study. Jane's teaching and being surrounded by such wonderful, kind, and spirit-filled girls has been the hugest blessing this semester. Like, I would have to be in the emergency room getting stitches, it's THAT great.

We've been digging into the book of Habakkuk recently (if you've never done a study on Habakkuk before, I would highly recommend it). I had never read Habakkuk before so this was an entirely new experience for me, and boy has it been a challenging and convicting book. Last week one of the themes of our discussion was faith. First, a little background info-God has revealed to Habakkuk that He is going to give the Israelites over to the Babylonians for 70 years because they have turned their backs on God. God is telling Habakkuk all of this so that he can be prepared for what is to come, and Habakkuk is totally caught off guard because God is allowing His people to be handed over to the vile and awful Babylonians. Habakkuk is bewildered and saying," Woooahh, God, this is crazy. Why on earth would you allow this to happen?"

I feel like we definitely can admit to asking God this many times in our life. I mean, let's face it, crap happens that we don't understand. God uses these times of uncertainty in our lives to grow our faith in Him to be solid enough to stand on, even in the worst of times. God is looking at our future, and we must therefore trust that He's got it under control for the present and future. In Hebrews 10:38 it says, "...the righteous live by faith."

One thing that really stood out to me that Jane said that has been etched in my memory was," A faith that has never been tested cannot be trusted." So true. I dug deeper for more scripture on this topic, and found Romans 1: 2-18. Verses 2 and 3 say,"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Later in verse 6, James writes, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, tossed and blown by the wind." We are commanded to live by faith, and verse 12 reminds us of our reward for our steadfast trust. "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." Wow.

Obviously, most of us don't ask for hardship in our lives. We want smooth sailing. But how do we learn to rely on God and his power if our faith in him is never tested? 2 Corinthians 5:7 says that as believers we are called to, "Live by faith, not by sight." We are offered a crown and eternal life with Christ by following this command. You don't learn any other discipline without trial before you begin to see results, and our faith in God works the same way. We see God developing fruits and workings in our lives when we allow Him to lead the way, and trusting in His methods and timing.

This is a principle in our walk as Christians. We are promised struggles and hardships, but we are also promised the power of the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. Our faith needs to be our rock that we stand on, with God being our solid ground. He is ready to come to our rescue.

rest.

I've decided that Spring Break is one of the best times of the year, because it gives those of us that never stop going a chance to come to a complete stop and re-coop. I don't know how I'm going to manage when I grow up and don't get a Spring Break. This week has been wonderful. I come home to sleep in my own plush, perfect bed, I can sleep until 9:30, I don't have anywhere pressing to be, I get to spend time with my family that I haven't gotten to see all semester, and I get to see Tyler beginning to bloom for spring.

Now, I know that at this very moment that every person that knows me is probably thinking, "Is she crazy? She rests probably the most out of any person I know!" It is true that I succumb to grandma bedtimes more often than I would care to admit and that my schedule allows me to take a nap almost every day, but that doesn't mean I have been resting.

By Spring Break, I was feeling extremely burnt out due to several things that have occurred this semester. Being home is like being in a sanctuary to me. It's a comforting place and somewhere where I can just breathe. I was reading in my Bible one night and found Psalms 62:5 which reads, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone: my hope comes from him." It's simple and brief, but in those few words I knew the Lord was speaking straight to me. All semester I have struggled with different things that were out of my control entirely, frequently wondering what I had done to deserve being immersed in such seemingly unfair circumstances, and trying to overcome those things by retaliation or just simply ignoring them, hoping they would go away (which clearly wasn't working out for me). Through all of this and by coming home, I've realized it's really hard, yet essential, to rest in the Lord. It's hard to quit re-fueling the fire of frustration and let God permanently extinguish it. Emotional surrender is a very difficult thing to give to the Lord, which I am learning firsthand (and might I add, certainly not for the first time). It made me wonder how often as believers do we allow ourselves to stop and rest in the Lord in a world that's telling us to go full-throttle and worry about everything later? If so, when is later?

God gives us a peace unlike any other we can receive when we just stop and say, "I can't handle this anymore," and he immediately responds with, "But I can." Our God is a great god, because only He can take the heaviness of our hearts and make it weightless. That is what real rest is.

dreaming of spring...

We all know spring means some seriously wonderful accessories...

And even more wonderful clothes and wedges, via Anthropologie...

Spring is on it's way here, which means I've been thinking about my "dream wardrobe."

Oh, Anthropologie, Van Cleef and Arpels and Prada, how I wish you were making your way into my closet...

But as my very wise brother always likes to point out, "You'll always be a dreamer, never a spender..."

it's a mumford and sons kind of day...

Love; it will not betray you

dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

be more like the man you were made to be

And there is a design, an alignment to cry

of my heart to see

the beauty of love as it was made to be...

mumford and sons

memories.

I remember my tenth birthday like it was yesterday. My mom surprised me and took me out of school for the day for all sorts of birthday festivities. I got a manicure for the first time, and probably trotted out of the salon with sparkly pink fingernails. We then headed to the Bergfeld Shopping Center to go to Amy B's for lunch. We then went across the street to Crabtree & Evelyn. The cool thing about this store was that if you went in there and told them it was your birthday, the owner would give you a free fizzy bath ball and sample lotion. (Those of you that didn't know about this really missed out!) Now, I've done all of these things since that time over the years, but that one day will always be etched in my memory as one of the best days of my life.

Since I just turned twenty, I have a real perspective on all of the things that can happen in a decade, and to be honest it kind of blew my mind. First off, reading through my journals from the time I was in my early teens are enough to make anyone fall out of their chair laughing-I was quite ridiculous back then (even more so then than now). I had my years of being a Moore Mustang when my biggest concern was what Abercrombie shirt I was going to wear to the Valentine dance (*with no suggestive sayings on it*) and what color band combinatino I would choose when I would go to the orthodontist that month. High school rolled around and brought a new level of experiences. New friends, new interests, new insights on life-it was great. Here I am now, twenty years old and a sophomore in college.

It unnerves me a little bit on what possibilities lie in the next 10 years (getting a real job, decorating my own first house straight from an Anthropologie catalogue, getting married, potentially having children, etc.). Psalms 23-24 says, "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you will take me into your glory." The presence of God and consistency of His word have been heavily weighing on my mind as of late, and couldn't be more relevant at this very moment. All these changes and adjustments are sprinting in my direction, and frankly I have no idea which ones to take, leave or let marinate for a while. Through all of the scariness of growing up, thankfully I find solid ground in the consistency of who God is. I never have to question or doubt His presence in my life, because He's always there, and always guiding me where I need to go. Through this assurance that I'm given, I can find peace in the midst of the changes and live with a joyful, expectant spirit of what is to come, because I know it's all in the hands of a God who loves me, and is fully capable of taking care of it all.