remember.

I've been home from camp for almost two days and though I'm super excited to be back with my family and friends, I definitely am feeling incomplete not being with my family at the Bluffs.

The past five weeks have been filled with some of the most joyful and difficult, yet fruitful times of my life. Never before have I seen a group of people my age live out the gospel to the fullness it was at the Bluffs, painting a beautiful picture of what Christ's church is to look like.

While I was there, the golden question was, "What's the biggest lesson you've learned while being here?" By the time it was time to leave and I would be asked that question, I would want to say, "Ha, well, do you have 3 hours to spare?"

Just to give you a taste of what I learned:

Over the weeks, during my quiet time I would study a fruit of the spirit-patience, gentleness, kindness, self-control, love, joy, goodness and faithfulness. It consisted of me taking one of these and over the course of a few days taking it apart and discovering what it meant through scripture and how it should translate into my life. It made me realize how God encompasses all of these things and the fullness to which he offer these to us, and for us to take that and be a reflection to the world. It made me see how his kindness is contageous and over-flowing. He is faithful to his people, always providing what he promises to provide. I saw how Christ is always in pursuit of our hearts, no matter how often we push away; he is never-ceasing in the pursuit of us. I saw his gentleness melt the iciest of hearts, with compassion and grace accompanying it. I understood how Christ provides us with self-control when our human bodies cannot; He is always enough, and with Him we are left in want of nothing but Him. The fact that God offers this freely to us, a broken and completely undeserving people, is utterly amazing to me.

What is service? It's not just an act, but also an attitude. Yes, anyone can serve or be patient or be generous with their time or money, but it's how you approach it that makes it glorifying to God. Serving with a joyful attitude, even in the midst of doing something that you are less-than-thrilled about doing. It's funny, because service is not my love language, but serving at Pine Cove showed me how I can love people to the fullest while serving them. Totally awesome. I also learned huge lessons on patience. Anyone can wait and see something out, but can you do so with an expectant and joyful heart? That's what makes the difference in the eyes of the Lord.

No, this is definitely not all that I obtained at my time at Pine Cove. I learned so much about myself, my weaknesses and my relationship with Christ. What it really means to die to myself, and what that is to look like from the most important to the most miniscule of things. Never before could I see such a drastic difference in when I act in my own power versus when I surrender to God to fully handle a situation for his purposes and his glory. The community that was built was unlike any I had experienced before, and while I'm now home with my parents and brother, I left another family back at the Bluffs. I don't think any of them will truly ever know the huge impact they had on my life and what an encouragement they were those mere 5 weeks we were together. Each person is so dear to my heart, and I am so blessed by having them in my life.

I came to Pine Cove with the mindset of it being a one-summer thing. Oh no, it will be engraved in my heart and memory always, and Lord willing, not the last time I will be able to be there.

"So my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless." 1 Corinthians 15:58

reflections.

Time is flying. I feel like everyday up to this point keeps passing a little faster each day, until I realize I can barely remember what day it is. When did Monday turn into Friday? This realization hit me even more today when I was trying to take a nap (which unfortunately didn't happen). As I lay in my bed, just thinking about random things, it all of a sudden hit me, "Oh my gosh, I'm finished with school a week from today. Wow."

I feel like my words will not be able to adequately describe my first year at OU. Memories of new friends and new experiences flip through my mind like pages in a book, with one volume about to come to an end in just a few days. Some parts are scary, some exciting, some frustrating, and all depicting a journey of a girl just trying to figure out who she is in a world trying to pull her in a million directions. The good thing about books is that you can always go back and read them as many times as you want, and if you put it down for a while to go do something else, you can always come back and pick up where you left off.

I have never seen growth more in my life than my time spent here. I can very assuredly say I am not the same girl now that I was 9 months ago. I've realized things about myself that I never had before, both good and bad. More than anything, my identity in Christ has become very evident to me. One thing I've seen very clearly is that God demands all of us, and we are to accept all of him. Christ wants us whole-heartedly and ready to be his servants to be reflections of him to the world. Also, that we cannot put God in a box, and we need to accept him in all his glory and perfection, even if that doesn't look exactly like we want it to. Just like Carrie Underwood sang, Jesus has the wheel to my life, and I can make it easy on myself and let him drive or be rebellious and take a few speedbumps and detours. Either way, he's there and in control. I'm obviously not perfect at any of this, but have definitely realized the responsibility I have as a follower of Christ to obey his word in every way. It's a path I realize that more and more don't venture down, but I've seen first-hand the assurance and joy that Christ gives to those who follows him, and it's indescribable.

I'm not sure what to expect from here. I have no idea what's in store for me in the next few months, but I know it's going to be an adventure. And since I've been in college, one thing I've realized about myself is that I love adventures...

I've got a fever...

No, I don't need more cowbell. And no, I don't have Bieber Fever. I've got spring fever. I've really enjoyed my stay in Norman these past few months, but one thing I haven't been impressed with have been its flowers. After working for the best florist in Tyler, I became obsessed with flowers (my friends and family can agree with this). Yes, I'm the weird girl that is standing in front of the trees in front of the Union, staring at the orange and pink berries growing on them thinking, "man, a few branches of these would look really pretty in that one vase I have..." It's a problem. One thing I miss having is a backyard. My parents have made our backyard so beautiful, especially at this time of year. My mom has been sending me pictures of the peony bushes blooming, hostas, japanese maple trees, agapanthus and all other sorts of goodies growing in our yard. Coincidentally, the other day I was really really wanting to watch the Secret Garden, and so I thought I would share with you what would always be growing in my garden...

...pom pom dahlias, wisteria, peonies, lily of the valley, hydrangeas, jasmine, ranunculus and giant protea. Lovely...

firsts.

This weekend was a great reminder of why I love "firsts". The first day of school or the first time to try something new or the first time to be in a new place with all new people is so exciting and adventurous to me. Jumping into new challenges and trying new things are times when I can see growth and joy abundantly in my life.

Saturday was a "day of firsts". Since I'm not the most athletically gifted person in the world, just the idea of trying new sports normally doesn't sound that exciting. I'm not a huge fan of running for a long time or sweating much, and any time something flies or is thrown in my direction I squeal and normally hop to the opposite direction. However, this past Saturday I attempted to play baseball for the first time. At first I wasn't super crazy about it, but after trying it a while, dropping many baseballs and running into the outfield several times, I actually began to enjoy it. I'm certainly not good at it by any stretch of the imagination, but I tried it, and would definitely be something I'd like to try again.

That night was quite something, let me tell you. My friends have been raving about a fried chicken joint all semester that is located in downtown, super sketchy area of Oklahoma City. So, we hopped in our cars and headed to BoBo's. This place is a trailer with 3 humongous black men fryin' up chicken wings, fish and shrimp. When you walk in, your lungs breathe in the thick smell of fried food. So thick, that you probably suffer from artery blockage from just smelling it. Once they take the chicken out of the fryer, they sprinkle the chicken with cayenne pepper then douse it with honey, a mountain of french fries and rolls (which I'm pretty sure are fried in some way). We then headed to the capitol building to sit on the steps to eat our chicken. This then resulted in immediately being confronted with a cop yelling at us to put our hands up and asking very sternly why we were there at 12 in the morning. (At this point I'm thinking, "Of course, I would get arrested for eating fried chicken!") We then explained to him that we were only eating chicken and were kindly asked to leave the premises. A police confrontation wasn't necessarily something I was wanting to add to my list of "firsts", but definitely left us with a good story and THE best fried chicken I have ever had in my entire life.

One "first" I'm really, really looking forward to is working at Pine Cove, which is a huge Christian camp in my hometown, this summer. This year I have really dug into scripture and researching what it means as Christians to live as leaders and servants to everyone. So, when Pine Cove came to OU, I jumped at the chance to possibly work there, and I was pumped when they asked me to join their staff at the Bluffs! I have never really done anything like this before, and I'm a little nervous about it, but my excitement about being there and serving alongside an amazing group of people completely cancels out my nervousness about it. As the days draw closer to summertime, I'm getting more and more excited to see what God has in store for my life and the lives of those I'm working with and serving this summer.

I just love firsts.

trust.

Oh, what a week! I have been itching to blog for days now, but between a computer break-down, three tests and everything else in between, it just hasn't been happening. Now that I have five seconds to sit down and breathe, I am going to share what has been lingering in my thoughts this week.

Let me preface this post by saying I am sharing a lot of material that was given to during my bible study last Thursday. Let me just say also, that I am so extremely blessed by this bible study. Jane's teaching and being surrounded by such wonderful, kind, and spirit-filled girls has been the hugest blessing this semester. Like, I would have to be in the emergency room getting stitches, it's THAT great.

We've been digging into the book of Habakkuk recently (if you've never done a study on Habakkuk before, I would highly recommend it). I had never read Habakkuk before so this was an entirely new experience for me, and boy has it been a challenging and convicting book. Last week one of the themes of our discussion was faith. First, a little background info-God has revealed to Habakkuk that He is going to give the Israelites over to the Babylonians for 70 years because they have turned their backs on God. God is telling Habakkuk all of this so that he can be prepared for what is to come, and Habakkuk is totally caught off guard because God is allowing His people to be handed over to the vile and awful Babylonians. Habakkuk is bewildered and saying," Woooahh, God, this is crazy. Why on earth would you allow this to happen?"

I feel like we definitely can admit to asking God this many times in our life. I mean, let's face it, crap happens that we don't understand. God uses these times of uncertainty in our lives to grow our faith in Him to be solid enough to stand on, even in the worst of times. God is looking at our future, and we must therefore trust that He's got it under control for the present and future. In Hebrews 10:38 it says, "...the righteous live by faith."

One thing that really stood out to me that Jane said that has been etched in my memory was," A faith that has never been tested cannot be trusted." So true. I dug deeper for more scripture on this topic, and found Romans 1: 2-18. Verses 2 and 3 say,"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Later in verse 6, James writes, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, tossed and blown by the wind." We are commanded to live by faith, and verse 12 reminds us of our reward for our steadfast trust. "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." Wow.

Obviously, most of us don't ask for hardship in our lives. We want smooth sailing. But how do we learn to rely on God and his power if our faith in him is never tested? 2 Corinthians 5:7 says that as believers we are called to, "Live by faith, not by sight." We are offered a crown and eternal life with Christ by following this command. You don't learn any other discipline without trial before you begin to see results, and our faith in God works the same way. We see God developing fruits and workings in our lives when we allow Him to lead the way, and trusting in His methods and timing.

This is a principle in our walk as Christians. We are promised struggles and hardships, but we are also promised the power of the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. Our faith needs to be our rock that we stand on, with God being our solid ground. He is ready to come to our rescue.

rest.

I've decided that Spring Break is one of the best times of the year, because it gives those of us that never stop going a chance to come to a complete stop and re-coop. I don't know how I'm going to manage when I grow up and don't get a Spring Break. This week has been wonderful. I come home to sleep in my own plush, perfect bed, I can sleep until 9:30, I don't have anywhere pressing to be, I get to spend time with my family that I haven't gotten to see all semester, and I get to see Tyler beginning to bloom for spring.

Now, I know that at this very moment that every person that knows me is probably thinking, "Is she crazy? She rests probably the most out of any person I know!" It is true that I succumb to grandma bedtimes more often than I would care to admit and that my schedule allows me to take a nap almost every day, but that doesn't mean I have been resting.

By Spring Break, I was feeling extremely burnt out due to several things that have occurred this semester. Being home is like being in a sanctuary to me. It's a comforting place and somewhere where I can just breathe. I was reading in my Bible one night and found Psalms 62:5 which reads, "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone: my hope comes from him." It's simple and brief, but in those few words I knew the Lord was speaking straight to me. All semester I have struggled with different things that were out of my control entirely, frequently wondering what I had done to deserve being immersed in such seemingly unfair circumstances, and trying to overcome those things by retaliation or just simply ignoring them, hoping they would go away (which clearly wasn't working out for me). Through all of this and by coming home, I've realized it's really hard, yet essential, to rest in the Lord. It's hard to quit re-fueling the fire of frustration and let God permanently extinguish it. Emotional surrender is a very difficult thing to give to the Lord, which I am learning firsthand (and might I add, certainly not for the first time). It made me wonder how often as believers do we allow ourselves to stop and rest in the Lord in a world that's telling us to go full-throttle and worry about everything later? If so, when is later?

God gives us a peace unlike any other we can receive when we just stop and say, "I can't handle this anymore," and he immediately responds with, "But I can." Our God is a great god, because only He can take the heaviness of our hearts and make it weightless. That is what real rest is.

dreaming of spring...

We all know spring means some seriously wonderful accessories...

And even more wonderful clothes and wedges, via Anthropologie...

Spring is on it's way here, which means I've been thinking about my "dream wardrobe."

Oh, Anthropologie, Van Cleef and Arpels and Prada, how I wish you were making your way into my closet...

But as my very wise brother always likes to point out, "You'll always be a dreamer, never a spender..."

it's a mumford and sons kind of day...

Love; it will not betray you

dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

be more like the man you were made to be

And there is a design, an alignment to cry

of my heart to see

the beauty of love as it was made to be...

mumford and sons

memories.

I remember my tenth birthday like it was yesterday. My mom surprised me and took me out of school for the day for all sorts of birthday festivities. I got a manicure for the first time, and probably trotted out of the salon with sparkly pink fingernails. We then headed to the Bergfeld Shopping Center to go to Amy B's for lunch. We then went across the street to Crabtree & Evelyn. The cool thing about this store was that if you went in there and told them it was your birthday, the owner would give you a free fizzy bath ball and sample lotion. (Those of you that didn't know about this really missed out!) Now, I've done all of these things since that time over the years, but that one day will always be etched in my memory as one of the best days of my life.

Since I just turned twenty, I have a real perspective on all of the things that can happen in a decade, and to be honest it kind of blew my mind. First off, reading through my journals from the time I was in my early teens are enough to make anyone fall out of their chair laughing-I was quite ridiculous back then (even more so then than now). I had my years of being a Moore Mustang when my biggest concern was what Abercrombie shirt I was going to wear to the Valentine dance (*with no suggestive sayings on it*) and what color band combinatino I would choose when I would go to the orthodontist that month. High school rolled around and brought a new level of experiences. New friends, new interests, new insights on life-it was great. Here I am now, twenty years old and a sophomore in college.

It unnerves me a little bit on what possibilities lie in the next 10 years (getting a real job, decorating my own first house straight from an Anthropologie catalogue, getting married, potentially having children, etc.). Psalms 23-24 says, "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you will take me into your glory." The presence of God and consistency of His word have been heavily weighing on my mind as of late, and couldn't be more relevant at this very moment. All these changes and adjustments are sprinting in my direction, and frankly I have no idea which ones to take, leave or let marinate for a while. Through all of the scariness of growing up, thankfully I find solid ground in the consistency of who God is. I never have to question or doubt His presence in my life, because He's always there, and always guiding me where I need to go. Through this assurance that I'm given, I can find peace in the midst of the changes and live with a joyful, expectant spirit of what is to come, because I know it's all in the hands of a God who loves me, and is fully capable of taking care of it all.